My dear


Hi, Jeanie. I'm 22 years old, and I just got married last June. My husband is also the same age, and he's a wonderful, special person who's really good to me. Whenever people my age find out I'm married, they always react like, "Oh-- that's so cute!" or "You're married?!! But you're so young! "Neither of which is very good in my opinion. I wish people could just take us seriously, cuz we have a very good relationship and we decided to take the big step because we know we're soul mates. Anyhow, the reason why I'm bringing this up to you is to get some words of wisdom from you, as you are also young & married. Do you have some tips, or general opinions of the matter that you can share with myself and the world? Also, peers tend to avoid us like the plague cuz they think that being married makes us automatically not fun, or else, it makes others uncomfortable cuz they see what we've got & they don't got it, so it makes 'em feel jealous or something, I don't know. Do you ever feel like you get this reaction? Oh, sorry I babbled so much. As you can tell, this is a big issue with me. Thanks for your time.

we have a bet going for 25 cents as to whether or not you were wearing a bra at the show at Maxwell's on Friday night. Please help us settle this matter. thanx!


Dear Tataswatcher:

Put me down for a whole dollar on the person that bet i WASN'T wearing a bra! Look, man. When you've got mosquito bites for boobs like I do, wearing a bra is like wearing legwarmers on the beach in mid july (???). Well i'm glad you asked because i was wondering if you could see through my shirt, especially because that air conditioner was on the "titty bit nipply" setting!!! Thanks!

Unfortunately, i've learned that people's reaction to me getting married young is not something i'll ever be able to change. I got married when i was 23 and even when someone would just tell me how happy they were for me, i had a hard time believing they meant it. After a while, i realized that it wasn't exactly what people said that bothered me. I was more bothered by own reaction to people making judgments about me. When i realized this, i started changing my attitude towards people who would make comments like that to me. For example, someone says to you, "Oh, how cute!", then you say, "Hell ya! My husband is soooo cute!! i'll have to show you pictures!" or when some one says, "You're married?? But you're so young!!" then i would probably say something like, "i know!! can you believe how LUCKY i am? i'm so glad i'm not gonna end up being a lonely old hag!".

Well, maybe you don'thave to use the hag line, but do you see what i mean? Take what people say and turn them into something positive. Because the better you react to what they say, the more they'll see that you're so so happy with your marriage that you can't even hear anything negative anyone is saying!! As far as people being jealous, that is also something that you can't control. If your friends are feeling that way, then the best thing to do is to not be talking about being married all the time. Talk about the things they want to talk about. I don't know about you, but i still have fun doing the things i did when i was single. For example, you're still allowed to go check out guys (or in my case, girls) together! This sort of thing may also help with the problem of your friends thinking you guys won't be as much fun as a married couple. If they're avoiding you guys as a couple, then maybe you guys need to have individual time with friends. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to do everything together all the time. it's important to keep and build your individual relationships. That will keep you on that path of who you were before you got married and who you want to be even after you've been married for a long time. Even if you're out at a party together, it doesn't mean you have to be with each other the whole time. Venture out and meet other people! Come back and tell each other about the weirdos you met! Eventually people will be more comfortable with the idea of hanging out with the both of you because they'll know that they're still hanging out with two individuals. This doesn't mean, ditch your hubby for friends by any means, but make sure to keep all your relationships in your life special and fun!! When your friends can see that you can still have fun without being attached, they'll see that there's really nothing in your marriage for them to make rash judgments about. Let other people worry about their own feelings and just keep working on your own and the inner workings of your marriage. Ten years down the line it'll be those people who are thinking, "wow, i was really wrong about them! hope i get that lucky one day...". Happy Anniversary!

xo, Jeanie!